How to make children obey, without raising their voices?
Many parents have to shout to be heard… And if you try to interact more calmly? Tips child psychiatrists.
To understand the desire of your child
The protest is part of the normal development of each child. He will constantly test their parents for strength and output from equilibrium. A child learns based on the injunctions of his father or mother. Consequently, he quickly vyuzivat these prohibitions that ensure their welfare and safety. The child resists the ban, refuses to follow him, but ends up taking a rule that is set by his parents.
It is useful to repeat many times the same rules that the child they really remember. It is also important not to give in, otherwise the baby will understand what are the weaknesses of the parent and can easily bring it to a white heat.
Transcript of screaming children
So, if he persists in his disobedience, perhaps it conveys the hidden message: “if the behavior does not change, despite your many cries, punishment and explanation, then you don’t understand, what is for me the benefits of such behavior, much stronger than all your reprimands”. For example, if the youngest child often screams, snarls and pulls all the attention to the detriment of brothers and sisters, so he tries to win a special place in the family.
The need for rules
Despite the fact that all normal parents always loved to delight your kids, you need to set boundaries. Parents do not need to punish yourself for something that they punish the child, it is important for its future. One of the tasks of parents is to gently give the child an idea about the principle of the real world: it is impossible to do everything that I want, when I want. The child not only satisfy their immediate desire, but also tries to break the boundaries, to go beyond. The parent supports the child, nurturing him the ability to tolerate frustration arising from the reality.
Parental anger is often unclear, incoherent, contradictory words. To ensure that the child understood that the specified rule is not discussed, it helps to follow a few principles:
the phrase should be short, peremptory; the complexity of the speech should be correlated with the age of the child;
you must speak clearly and distinctly, not quite angrily;
avoid conditional: it provokes a dispute;
it is important to look at each other: the child will understand the meaning of anxieties and worries, seeing them in the eyes of the parent;
need to make sure that the child carefully listening: to make sure that he interrupted his studies and to watch his reaction;
there is no point in pronouncing the fragmented mixture didn’t related arguments: the pedagogical value is lost in this process;
if a child behaves well, praise and encouragement from parents will help him cope with frustration and to require the immediate implementation of their desires.
A child is not listening: what to do?
If the parents do not dare or do not know how to establish clear rules that will help the system in four phases: the message, the repetition, the prevention, punishment.
First of all, it is necessary to clearly pronounce a rule, using simple and clear words: “Alex, turn off the console, you have played long enough”. If the child complied with the requirement, it is necessary to praise him for what he did.
If the child continues to play, it is worth to repeat it, without changing the essence: “Alex, I asked you to turn off the console”. In this case, if the child obeys, it also should be commended.
Then you need to tell the child about what would happen if he disobeyed: “Alex, if you don’t turn off the console, I turn it off myself, and tomorrow your friends will not come to us for lunch”.
If that is not enough, remains to fulfill the promise.
If a child provokes parents, the best reaction is to ignore his behavior. To ensure that the provocation took place, the necessary provoke. Parents should try not to be such. You can go wherever the child can not walk, and wait until the storm subsides. The child’s behavior will improve soon.
What should be the punishment
Most parents are only afraid of punishment, but not punished. However, it depends on whether you expect children to follow rules and respect their parents. Some threats are not enough, because they quickly become familiar, “erased”. If threats aren’t carried out, they lose their effect.
In order for the punishment to be truly effective, it must be properly formulated. The preferred punishment in the near future: reducing the time of games, rides. Also the punishment should be proportional to the infraction of the child. Everyone should have a “measure of the severity of the” punishments. Not worth the same to punish the child for what he wanted him to watch TV and for the fact that he hit the parent. Seeing a graduated system of punishment, the child will understand that there is a difference between different types of undesirable behavior.
These rules and penalties will help to give the child guidance. However, the principles used in the upbringing of the child, should not interfere with his love.