Parenting without punishment
In the family has the baby. Parents are happy and looking forward to each new day, enjoy each new skill a child. But there comes a time when the grown child begins to achieve something and not behave in the best way. Tantrums in the store with the requirement to buy a toy. Mischief at home and away. Ignoring the parent words. On — more: the first deceptions and teenage confusion. How to cope with all this? How to raise children? To punish, scold, beat, ignore? To answer this question it is necessary to clarify in General the situation with penalties: what they are, the situations in which their parents used, and whether it is possible not to punish children.
Punishment — this is only one of the forms of child training skills, not mandatory.
Penalties come in many forms: verbal, physical, punishment labour, deprivation of attention and love, deprivation of certain goods.
Verbal — are often a protective reaction of the parent act on the child. Insults and threats just voiced their resentment deceived parental expectations. What parent gets in the end? The child is angry, or closed, not sure of himself, there is no mutual understanding between parent and baby.
Physical punishment — all sorts of slaps, kicks, belts. A favorite punishment used by parents as “last resort”. It is worth noting that — no effect. Physical punishment is often used unconsciously in reaction to the prank of a child. The so-called “Oh,. I.”. Some parents believe that fear of pain will not allow the child to play pranks. View is mistaken. This method only closes the problem within the child. Summary: resentment, anger, self-doubt, as in the first case, but also fear!
Punishment: when for a small offense, a parent forces the child to redeem himself. It may be cleaning the apartment, toys, teaching all of the theorems in the book and other tasks. Should I say that in case of refusal to perform, such parent will use physical punishment. What we get in this case: the child has developed a strong aversion to work, cleaning, studying.
Deprivation of attention and love: this is the worst punishment for a child. He thinks that the world is dangerous, nobody likes him, he is lonely and unhappy. All of these experiences remain with the child in the subconscious for the rest of his life. Perhaps the child will try to earn love, and that punishment was often really does work, but causes the psyche of the child irreparable damage.
Deprivation benefits: watching TV, playing computer games, taking away toys or even favorite clothing items. Cause in the child anger, aggression, even hidden, separates the parents from the child. Have persistent thoughts: «I do not understand”; “let”; “I want to do out of spite”.
Thus, it is obvious that each of the methods of punishment is ineffective, but rather destructive for the relationship between parents and child, and especially for child and adolescent psyche. What to do? How to educate?
First of all, parents need to identify and remove their own negative beliefs about punishment, originating from their childhood. If daddy in childhood was beaten with a belt — he will thrash their children, if the mother scolded and humiliated for the slightest offense — she will unconsciously do the same with their children.
The most effective and correct method of education of children — it’s a complete waiver of penalties. It is necessary for every offence to analyze in detail with the child. To explain what was wrong in this act and how it would be better for him to do; what are the consequences now and what occurred in the other case; what feelings does your mom or dad now, and what would be then, and so on. It is important to listen to the explanations of the child and his opinion. If emotions overwhelm, you need to set aside “debriefing” for a few minutes to recover, to calm down, and then have to talk with your child about what happened.
It is important to remember that punishment is the destruction of relationships that involve anger, misunderstanding, resentment and fear, lack of trust. And beliefs and conversations, many examples of different situations — help to achieve a deep understanding between child and parents, and, most importantly, the child begins to think about every future act. Taught him that, thinking: ‘what will happen if I do this, and what will happen if I do otherwise. What will be felt by the mother? How will I feel?” isn’t that what all parents unsuccessfully sought a seat belt and screaming?
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