How to help children deal with aggression
The origins of violence
Aggression in Latin – attack. Causes of aggression in children can be very different from somatic diseases or diseases of the nervous system to the peculiarities of education in the family, in particular the nature of the punishments that are usually used by parents in response to the manifestation of anger in your child.
The root cause of aggression can be in the aggressive behavior of the parents.
One of the causes of childhood aggression can be a Lack of love and attention from her parents. If your child feels in the family abandoned and worthless, he begins to attract attention by any means. For the baby any important sign of attention, even negative. He will fight in kindergarten, throwing toys, throwing sand on the street.
It is vital for emotional contact with their parents hugs, kisses. It’s important for him daily to hear from them: “We love you. We are glad that you have there. I’m happy when you’re with me. I’m glad that you got a boy (or girl)”.
Another cause of childhood aggression. The absence of rules and arrangements in the family.
Maybe mom and dad can’t agree among themselves about what to demand from the child, and often discuss parenting issues with the baby. For example: my father did not allow something, mom and dad slowly allows. Then the child is adjudged to be in an “emotional trap”. To get out of this situation without doing hurt to both parents, the baby to not have to listen at all.
Any child, and especially with diseases of the nervous system, it is important that in the family there was a certain order, mode, the tradition that the parents were consistent. Then the child is easy to understand how to behave in a given situation.
Parents should “blow in one tune”, even “bad set”. Mom and dad need in a relaxed atmosphere, alone to agree among themselves, what children can and cannot do. Requirements should not be very much and they should be able to perform and very clear. These requirements must adhere to and adults themselves. When parents behave so, that way, the child decides what punishment is arbitrary on the part of adults, because they are stronger and can afford anything.
Parental reactions to aggressive behavior of children.
If mom completely ignores the violent behavior of the child, may be formed permissiveness. When the mom was heavily into tears, started to physically punish the child, it will give the little Tomboy emotional therapy. When parents show a lot of emotion, the child will be even more aggressive.
The reaction of parents should not be directed at the person, and on the act. When you child do not say “you are bad”, and “you’re doing bad,” you, therefore, remind him that not all of it “consists of bad behavior”. The punishment must be commensurate to the act, and not to be too long.
Parents need to feel the very middle of the heart. There are families that go to the other extreme: “We scold and punish all”. Another option: “Our baby is all allowed!” As in the first and in the second case, there is no guarantee that children will not be aggressive.
If the child had a fight in kindergarten, first and foremost, you need to find out the cause of a fight, talk to the child alone. Parents should not be reasons not to trust your baby.
If the child is in the sandbox is always hitting other children should be taken to spare the victim the baby and its defiantly ignore. If a child is left unattended, it will immediately lose interest to fight.
The arrival of a second child . when parents ‘ attention is unevenly distributed, can cause aggression firstborn. The eldest child has to bear the advantage in the family. In the old days the porridge in the family is distributed by seniority – was first imposed by parents, then older children. Often it turns out that “once you’re a senior can wait, you give way, move over, give me”. Senior’t be profitable. It breeds aggression of older relative to younger.
To the child’s need to convey that it is great to be a senior! You can, for example, to start a tradition. Junior go to sleep, but the older ones can still be with adults. Even if it’s only 10 minutes, the eldest child will be proud and happy with his situation. Not to understate the role of the elder, and to take him as his assistant. And then there will be a “massacre” then, when the children grow up.
Violation of the marital relationship of the parents .
When the parents often fight, and dad all the time making the bag. What you need to do to the child that the parents unite? The answer is obvious – to get sick or start to misbehave in the garden. The child in this case acts as a peacemaker, bringing dad and mom.
The baby can be aggressive in single-parent families when one parent does not accept the other, when the mother when the child speaks badly about dad. “Dad just bad, and I mean too bad,” the son or daughter often identify themselves with the Pope. The girl can even be a male behavior, clothing. Smart mom would say, “daddy you are the best, but he did not work”.
If dad full, the child considers herself a full-fledged. Otherwise, if such a cool mom, and no dad – the child feels that only half good!
What parents need to do?
1. to Show love and attention to children
2. to Develop rules, to be consistent in what you can and can’t
3. .Increase in the family prestige of older children
4. to Establish if it is possible marital relationship in the family
5. Quietly, but not indifferently to react to the bad behavior of the child.
Often the parents of the bullied child, “If you will not obey, will leave you in the garden at night.” Or “if you don’t stop bitching, you will carry the Baba Yaga”. The child from these words don’t stop behaving badly. He checks once, “do not give up, so you can be continue to behave badly”. Then inside the baby starts to accumulate resentment and aggression in parents. It can even lead to the development of somatic diseases.
If we prohibit to show aggression, it remains inside the child. And then can manifest itself through a tantrum, or disease. Either will result in that the child will be breaking things even more. Need to help the child, to aggression.
How to learn to aggression
– On the street to afford to ruffle the accumulated energy, not to pull.
To give sometimes to practicalise.
– In the evenings to fight pillows 5 minutes.
– Learn to speak your feelings – learn to formulate “I – statements”. “I get upset when you don’t clean up the toys”. A child can utter: “I’m upset, I’m angry, I’m upset”.
Parents can master the practice of active listening – the ability to show and Express their feelings: “I understand you’re hurt and upset”.
Games that are useful for the aggressive child
Well, if the child with problem behavior engaged in sports sections, or go to the pool.
Playing with water . Fill the tub with water and throw tennis balls. To knock down a ball other.
Into the bath to lower the boat and blowing on the boat through a straw.
To drip a drop of paint on the paper and using a tube to blow out her figure.
Offer to paint the child. “Draw what you’re evil” or just “draw a picture”. Usually aggressive children prefer dark paint, draw clouds.
Games with sand or semolina or peas (winter or if the game takes place in the house). Take 2 kg of peas and hide toys in it and let your child find them. Perfectly relieves stress, even the adults!
Parents need to be able to cope with stress. Psychologists, family therapists can help the family to get out of problematic situations. It is important to consult a psychologist as a family!